Sub-Drop

Playing, scening and fucking is all fun and games! I wouldn’t trade it for the world…There is something special about pain for me. In my mind pain is part coping mechanism and the rest is discipline. Getting my ass beat keeps me in line and helps me clear my mind. When the stress of life becomes too much a beating sure enough gets me back to my grounded place.

BUT there are things that I wish I could change after play. Subdrop is one of them.

Sub-drop occurs when the submissive partner experiences a sudden emotional low or crash after engaging in a BDSM scene. This emotional drop can manifest in various ways, including feelings of sadness, anxiety, fatigue, vulnerability, and even physical symptoms like headaches or body aches.

I play hard. Being a heavy bottom/pain slut/super masochist means I can take a lot when Sir and I play.

Pain helps me process life. Sometimes it’s a tingle or just a thud. A good smack will bring a giggle out of me and then it’s all the way down the rabbit hole for me. The build-up of the intensity draws me in and makes me beg for more.

Eventually, the fun ends and I ride my high for a day or two and then I drop. I hate it. I become needy and clingy…I don’t always express those needs tho. I want kisses on my forehead and to be called a good girl. I crave a good cuddle session while Sir pets my head, but I keep it to myself and I know I shouldn’t. I have to do a way better job at expressing my sub-drop needs.

The main reason it’s hard for me to express my needs is I’m so used to things being rough and hard all the time that when I crave soft it feels foreign and unnatural so I feel wrong for wanting those things. So I settle for hugging Sir when I need to feel closer to him. It takes the edge off a bit but it’s not nearly as much as I want.

The little in me tells me to crawl on my knees to him and lay my head on his lap or on the bed next to him, but I fight it. Subdrop brings on a whole new type of vulnerability that I didn’t know I had within me, especially since playing with Sir. He digs deep into the dark side of my kinks and brings them out and I don’t always know how to put them back in the box or how to feel both vulnerable and empowered at the same time.