Today Sir fucked me and spanked my ass. I’m a bit sore and achy in all the right places.
At one point I wanted to start crying but nothing would come out as I was distracted by having my brains fucked out. I know I probably need a good cry from a spanking. Later that evening I became overwhelmed with emotions and I don’t know why.
The past week I’ve discovered a few things about myself that I didn’t know would affect me in such an emotional way. One of those things was learning that I have never slow danced. Not with a man or any of my “father figures” or family in general. As a woman, I feel this is something important. dancing can teach you a lot about the person you are dancing with. It also teaches you intimacy.
When You noticed it affected me on such a level that I almost wanted to cry You told me not to worry about it. That W/we were gonna change that real soon. That meant a lot to me.
Intimacy is something truly new to me because I’ve never had to be that way with any of my previous relationships, but for once I want to experience it in its most raw forms. Most of the time after sex or play with Sir I just go to sleep and today was no different. BUT the emotions of it all caught up with me later. This is why communication and aftercare are so important. Learning what you need after play helps with days like this.
I need a spanking session that leaves me with tears streaming down my face. A release that allows me to leave it all at that moment. Then afterward I need to be cuddled and kissed. I need soft. Don’t get me wrong things have been good in life, but my brain is my biggest enemy at times. whispering things I don’t want to hear. Making me doubt myself.
I need maintenance. Remind me of who I am. help me remember my strength in submitting to You Sir. I have a devotion to You Sir that scares me, but excites me at the same time. I’ve done all of the dirty and nasty things You’ve asked of me and they play over in my head. My brain telling me that I am a disgusting whore and I love it. Changing me and shaping me in ways that I know I can’t go back from, not that I want to.
The things You are teaching me about life, in general, have changed me. I see opportunity in everything now. I am becoming more financially stable. Checking things off my goal list that I made years ago thinking they weren’t going to happen. I’ve become a better me, but I also am still learning. Learning how to communicate my needs, my desires, and my passions.
I thank You for everything and want You to know I appreciate You. You have shown me what it means to be loved and cared for. You have shown me what it means to push through.
I give my all to You Sir.
Subspace Seduction 